 | ShatterStorm Productions
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| ShatterStorm Productions
|
Primary Character(s): Lindsey Willows
Secondary Influences: "All About Us" by Tatu
Disclaimers: See Index page for full disclaimer info
++ Lindsey ++
"Are you sure you've got everything you're going to need, Linds?"
I fight the urge to roll my eyes at her, knowing it'll only make things worse. Well, okay, it'll make her worse, which'll make her more nervous and freaked out, and that's so not good for me. Okay, let's face it. I'm already starting to freak out a bit here, and I don't need to deal with the fact that I'm moving like totally across the country away from the only family I've ever known.
Jeez, what am I doing here? I mean, I'm only nine and I'm already leaving home? That's gotta be wrong somewhere. I know my gramma's not very happy about it. Neither is Sam, but I'm not all that worried about his feelings, you know? It's not like he's been a real grandfather or anything. Yeah, money's cool, but there's more to it than that. At least Anastasia makes me feel like I'm important when I'm talking to her.
Yeah, Sam doesn't really like Anastasia. I'm not sure who he's more mad at: Anastasia or Gramma KC. I know I shouldn't have ears-dropped on that conversation he had with Mom, but I couldn't help it. He was making her mad, and that made me mad. I've heard bits and pieces of how well he treated Mom when she was younger, and I don't want to become "his favorite girl" either. That's just gross.
"Lindsey Willows, are you even listening to me?" I wince at that exasperated tone in her voice. Her none-too-gentle tug on my hair doesn't help much in the ignoring department.
"Sorry, Mom," I reply and flash her an apologetic look. "I got…sidetracked. Sorry."
She smiles that "mom" smile at me, the look completely changing and softening her face. The one that makes me feel so safe and protected. The one that makes me feel like I'm only five years old again and waking up after a nightmare. The one that makes me want to crawl in her lap and stay there for a long time.
Before I realize it, I'm doing just that. She wraps her arms around me tightly, and I can't help but do the same in return. It feels good, you know? And now the tears are gonna start. I really hate it when she does this. I'm not a baby, damn it! It doesn't take long and I'm squirming against her grip, only partially willingly.
She lets go of me and sighs. "I know, Linds, I know. You're a big girl. I've taught you everything I can at this point, and I've known for a year and a half that this day would come sooner or later. I was just hoping for later, you know? No matter what else you are, you're my baby girl."
"Mom!" I whine, feeling embarrassed by what she's saying and how it's making me feel.
Raising her hands, Mom smiles sadly. "I'm being a dopey mom again, hunh? Sorry, Linds. It's just hard 'cause I don't want you to go, even though I know you have to. And I know KC, Michael, and Jo will make sure you're well taken care of, but I still get a little worried. I mean, that attempted kidnapping was pretty scary."
"Mom, listen, I'm okay, really." I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves from the memories of that day in New York that really changed me, almost more than anything else but meeting Dace and Jamie. "I'm gonna be at Eastland. Jo said that Blair's got a top of the line security system there. Uncle Gabe said Michael personally found the best there is and had it installed over the summer. Everyone at the school's been briefed by Michael as to who is allowed anywhere near me. And Jamie said something about overhearing Michael talking about having a couple of Swords at the school for extra protection."
"That's all well and good, but--"
"And Dace has been stepping up my self defense training," I interrupt her, knowing what she'll say next. And I know Dace has been half paying attention to us, even though she's been busy with the babies. "Well, not just Dace. Olivia, Karen, Art, even Uncle Jack and Teal'c have been helping me out. And Jo and Michael said they'd make sure I kept it up out in New York. I really wanna get my black belt, you know? I know I'm small and that most of the people that would come after me are either Sam's knuckle draggers or from that military group. Why do you think Dace had our Colorado family helping out with my training? It wasn't just so she'd have a chance to fool around with Darya."
The snort at the door catches Mom's attention and we turn as one to stare at the tall body draped in the doorway. "She's got a point, Cath," Dace drawls.
"Don't you start, blondie," Mom half-growls at Dace, who grins and shrugs nonchalantly. "She's not your daughter." Mom suddenly stops and pinches the bridge of her nose with a sigh. "Sorry, Dace, that was uncalled for."
With a feline grace that I envy, Dace comes into the room and kneels down in front of Mom and me. "No, Lindsey's not my daughter in blood, but I'd like to think she's become as close to my own kid as the cubs and Rose are. Well, you know what I mean about Rose." She cracks a grin and chuckles. "Rachel'd kick my ass if she heard me say that."
The comment does what I'm sure Dace intended, and Mom starts to laugh. It's that strangled, half-sob laugh that always told me she was feeling stressed, even before I really knew what it meant. Mom slaps half-heartedly at Dace, but accepts the light kiss anyway. "Thank you, Dace."
Dace shrugs again and grins. "My pleasure. Besides, I can't have you both freaking out. I can only handle one of you Willows women at a time, you know. You're a pair of powerhouses, just like KC." I beam at the compliment and happily let Dace ruffle my hair. "You got all your stuff, junior?"
"I think so. I don't know what all I should take with me. I know Gramma Stasia will send off whatever I need to the school, but I don't wanna look like some little baby because I've got all this stuff from home in my room. If I'm gonna hang out with Jamie and Tisha and Gloria, I need to be more grown up. I don't wanna be seen as the little kid tagging along behind them."
Dace nods slowly, eyes darting to watch my mom's reaction on occasion. "While I understand you want to be more grown up to fit in with Jamie and her friends, you need to remember that you're only nine, Linds."
"She's not ten until--"
"Okay, Mom," Dace teases. "She'll be ten in December. Close enough." I giggle when Dace sticks her tongue out at Mom, who just rolls her eyes at us. "Can I finish now, dearest?"
Flashing a disgusted look at her Sentinel, Mom nods. "Go ahead, Dace. It's not like I can stop you."
"Anyway, Linds," Dace replies, shaking her head at Mom. "What I'm trying to say is this. I know how much you wanna be grown up and all to hang out with Jamie and the others, but it doesn't always work out that way, okay? Enjoy your childhood while you've got it, kiddo. And take it from someone who's been there when I say that growing up is a bitch, but when you try to do it too fast, it can make things even worse." She reaches over to stroke my cheek. "I don't want you to fall into the same pitfalls I did when I grew up. Yeah, I know Fen and the Swords are gonna be there pretty much anywhere you are in New York, but at the same time, I don't want you to get yourself into a position where you're forced to grow up faster than you need to, okay?"
I nod slowly, wanting to know more, but knowing better than to ask at this point. I can tell that Dace is being vague for Mom's sake. We've already had a couple of discussions about when Dace grew up, and I know it wasn't all sunshine and puppies, but I also know she's held back some stuff from me. But she's always tried to treat me like an equal, because of the Sentinel thing, and I'm grateful for that. I just have to remember to tell her that when Mom's not around.
The jarring ring of Mom's cell scares the crap out of me, and she frowns as she looks at the caller ID. "Damn it, Griss, this better be good," she growls, answering the phone. Getting up, she starts to pace as she listens to whatever he's got to say.
I use the distraction to glance around my room again. Part of me is memorizing what it looks like, and part of me is wondering what else I need to pack before we head to New York Sunday morning. Or have I packed too much? I don't know. I wish Jamie was here to help me out with this. She's been going to Eastland for a year or two now, so she knows what I'll need. But she's out in New York doing her own stuff to get ready for school. Plus, she's got that trip with her Dad that she's been doing. He's kinda nervous around me, so I told Jamie she could go alone. I think he suspects something is more than he's comfortable with about me and Jamie.
But it's not like I know exactly what it is between us to explain it to him. And I'm not sure Jamie wants to. I mean, this is her dad, after all. I remember how Daddy would look at Mom and Dace with such disgust…and fear. He really didn't like Dace at all. I know the feeling was mutual, and she was only sad that he died because of me and Mom. But I worry that Jamie's dad has that same fear of me, of what Jamie and I are supposed to be. I look at my mom and Dace and I see what this Sentinel-Guide relationship is supposed to be like. I've seen the same thing when Jim and Chief have visited. It's weird to see that bond between the two guys, but only because I really don't see them a lot, because of Alex the Mad. I know I shouldn't call her that, but there are just too many people around here named Alex.
A sudden chill runs down my spine and I blink when I see that Dace is holding out her phone to me. "Call her, Linds," she says softly, gently.
"No, she's with her dad," I protest. "She's too busy to talk to me."
"And if you honestly believed that, I'd have to worry about you," comes her soft reply. It's then that I realize Mom's gone. Dace must have followed my gaze to the door. "She wandered out to get Sara for something Grissom needed from them."
Fear grips my heart and I whisper, "She didn't go into work, did she?" She may be overwhelming sometimes, but right now I need her nearby. I won't have that for much longer.
"Nope, just down to the office so they can fax or email something or other. Boring CSI work stuff, you know?" she replies. "She'll be back. But that's not helping with what's bothering you right now, is it?" I shake my head and lean against her side when she moves to sit next to me on the bed. "Wanna talk about it?"
I shrug and sigh. "Is it supposed to be this hard, Dace?" I finally ask her. "I want to go and be by Jamie, but I don't want to be away from you, and Mom, and the babies, and everybody here. What if I don't like it there? Jamie really likes Eastland, and if I hate it, she's gonna be mad."
"I doubt she'll be mad if you don't like it. It's completely new for you, but you've got to remember that it was completely new for her at one point, too."
"But she's older than me, and so are all of her friends" I whine petulantly.
"So you make friends your own age. Lindsey, just because she's your Guide, it doesn't mean that you two need to be connected at the hip twenty-four hours a day. And it definitely doesn't mean that you have to have all the exact same interests and friends. My god, if your mom and I were like that? I'd have to shoot myself!"
"I heard that!" floats up from downstairs, sending us both into fits of giggles.
"See?" Dace teases, tapping the tip of my nose with a finger. "She has that supersensitive Mom hearing. Under the right circumstances, that shit beats out Sentinel hearing without contest. It's scary!" I giggle again and snuggle closer to Dace. "Tell you what, kiddo. How about we have your mom call Jo to make sure you have the basics packed that you'll need. I know you've got your personal stuff that you need already packed. The rest is stuff that your mom can do, so she feels useful in all this. And Jo went to the same school, so she'll have a better idea of what stuff is good to bring. Oh, and if you want, we can call Karen. She used to go to Eastland, too. She doesn't talk about it much, but I bet she'd help you figure some stuff out."
"So did Alex the Light," I pipe up.
Dace chuckles. "You don't honestly call her that to her face, do you?" When I shake my head, she heaves a sigh of relief. "I swear, she's gonna kick my ass if she ever finds out you've picked that up."
"Well, it works, doesn't it?" I ask curiously. "I mean, we've got three women named Alex that live here on a regular basis, plus Dr. Alex and Art's niece. We've got to have some way of distinguishing between them."
Dace studies me with narrowed eyes. "You've been listening to my conversations again, haven't you?" I attempt an innocent look, knowing full well she'll see it for the lie it is. "Lindsey…"
"I know, I know. It honestly was an accident at the time, but it made sense to me, so it stayed in my head. I swear I've been trying not to actually use it where she or my mom would hear it. I think it slipped in front of Alex the Dark, but she laughed and said she didn't mind it."
"No surprise there." Dace studies my face again, and I meet her gaze trustingly. "You sure you're okay with this move? It's okay to be nervous and scared, you know. But if you really don't feel comfortable about it, we'll figure out something else for you and Jamie."
I consider that for a long moment before I answer her. "I'm willing to give it a shot. I really liked it when I visited New York, and I know we really need to be in just one school, and Jamie really likes Eastland. I liked it when I visited it this spring, and Blair said she would work with someone at the school to make sure Jamie and I are in the same room. It's just so far away, you know?"
"And you can call us anytime you need to, you know that. And visits are gonna be pretty often, I think, because your mom's gonna miss you so much."
I can feel those embarrassing tears again. "I'm gonna miss her, too. And you, and the babies, and everyone else here. This is home. I've never lived anywhere else than Vegas. What if I don't like the snow?"
She chuckles at that and hugs me tightly. "We'll make sure you get lots of warm clothes and you spend all your vacations here at home, okay?"
"Okay. Thanks, Dace. I think I'm gonna be okay to go explore the world a little now."
