 | ShatterStorm Productions
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| ShatterStorm Productions
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Primary Character(s): Alexandra Moreau
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++ Alex Moreau ++
"So tell me about him."
Such a simple request. I can't help but snort at her. She raises an eyebrow and stares at me, and damned if the look doesn't remind me of Gramma Rose.
"Okay, okay," I mutter, looking away to compose myself. "Derek is -- was an incredible man, so dedicated, so passionate about his work. For as long as I've known him, Derek has always been driven by the battle between the forces of Light and the agents of the Dark Side. I know a large part of that is the fact that he felt it was his personal quest, his familial duty as it were, to right his father's wrongs with regard to the sepulchers."
She tilts her head to the side and a faint smile curves her lips. "I know all of that, Alex. Tell me something I don't know about. Tell me about you and Derek."
I wince at her request. I'd kind of figured that's what she wants to know, but I was hoping I could get past that. Guess not. "It's complicated," I finally say, slowly and not exactly lying.
She chuckles dryly. "You're evading the question, Alex."
"It was never something I really wanted to deal with, you know?" I reply. "This 'thing' between me and Derek. I think in some ways, it's always been there."
"You think it's always been there? Be honest, Alex. If nothing else, be honest with yourself."
I huff out a breath in exasperation. "Okay, it has always been there, practically from the beginning. We just never really chose to do anything about it. Happy now?" When she nods, I continue with a rueful chuckle of my own. "I think the hardest part of dealing with my feelings for Derek has been the fact that he was married to the Legacy, to his quest to right his father's wrongs. Well, his death notwithstanding, of course. But it's the truth."
"And yet you still fell in love with him?" Her voice is carefully modulated to a gentle, curious tone. In simplest terms, she can pull information from me like my Gramma Rose used to. I'm unable to keep this from her, no matter how much I may not want to face it.
"Yes, somehow he evoked something in me, and I fell in love with him. Oh I spent years trying to convince myself that it was merely professional interest, and that I was caught up in the fervor of helping to save the world from the agents of the Dark Side."
A seeming lifetime of memories flood over me: demons, possessions, sepulchers, Julia's death, Derek's death. None of them good memories. Why is it so damned difficult for me to remember something positive about Derek?
"Because, for all that you were in love with him, Derek Rayne has never been a man with a positive outlook." I blink at her, stunned I'd even voiced the thought. "Can you honestly deny that, Alex?"
I want to deny it. I want to tell her exactly where she can put her questions and her seemingly innocent attitude. I want to know if Rachel's put her up to this. Why else would I be cornered at the White House of all places to talk about my former mentor who's been dead for just over three years now? This is none of her business. None of anyone's business.
And yet, I can't tell her any of this. Some small part of me knows that this is something I have to deal with once and for all, whether I like it or not. And oddly enough, she seems the best likely candidate to help. "How do you know that? How do you know so much about Derek? He never talked about you."
"To you perhaps," comes her cryptic reply. "I've known Derek and his family for many, many years. There are things about Derek, and about the Legacy, that you don't know, Alex. In some respects, they were things you should have known. But Derek felt you weren't Precept material, and therefore wouldn't share it with you."
"He what? I'm not Precept material?" I can feel the decades old ire rising again. I can't count the number of fights Derek and I had over his preferential treatment of Nick and Julia over me. "How in the hell do you know whether he saw me as Precept material or not?"
"Who's running the San Francisco House, Alex?" she asks softly.
"It's not fair," I whisper harshly past the lump in my throat. "He never trusted me enough to run anything. It was always Nick this and Nick that. Hell, he gave more responsibilities and assignments to Julia than he did to me. What the hell was I there for? Computer skills and a pretty face? What the hell was my degree for? I'd say he was misogynistic, but he favored Julia over me. And he was even worse after she died. It was like I was made of china, fragile and unable to take care of myself unless he felt like it."
As I rant, I find myself on my feet and pacing. I can't believe how easily I'm getting riled up over this. "I suppose it's not the point, is it? I mean, I'm little more than a researcher and antiquarian for the Legacy now. I'm not officially allied to any House, though I suppose I'm still considered a member of the San Francisco House. It's not like Nick would accept my or Rachel's resignations anyway. I'll never be able to leave the damned Legacy until the day I die. For all I know my daughter will get dragged into it before too long. God knows, the Legacy doesn't like to let rogue telepaths go free. And how in the hell do you seem so damned familiar to me?"
She simply chuckles. It's an annoying, condescending sound, just like when Derek used to laugh at something I'd say that wasn't in line with his ideas and beliefs. "I am who I am, Alex. Just as you, Rachel, Kat, and Rose are who you are. You brought up a number of points. Which would you like to discuss first?" Her matter-of-fact attitude is both calming and infuriating. The dichotomy confuses me into a sort of stunned silence. It also stops my pacing. "Okay then, let's take this one step at a time. Derek thought of you as more than just the sum of your skills, Alex. If he didn't have faith in you and your abilities, he wouldn't have sponsored you into the Legacy."
"Then why didn't he think I'm Precept material?" I don't even bother to hide the hurt in my voice.
"Because he didn't want to see you hurt."
I snort at that. "Oh that's rich. How many times did he send me directly into harm's way, and without backup of any kind? Sorry, but I don't believe that."
"You had a different path. Your grandmother knew that, and Derek knew that. You needed to be in a safe place to learn what you needed to learn for your path," she explains carefully. "What Derek tried to keep you safe from was the more insidious dangers that could corrupt your path. And I do believe Alacia did nearly corrupt you on several occasions, didn't she?"
I can feel my forehead furrow in confusion. "Alacia?"
She grimaces sheepishly. "In terms you'll understand, she's the most powerful of the agents of the Dark Side. You could go as far as to say she's in charge of the agents of the Dark Side, but not quite." She pauses. "But that's getting off the track here. Alex, you're not like most people. You're not even like most other telepaths and spellcasters. You have a unique gift, as does your daughter. The Legacy is not the end all and be all for you and your family. It's been a way to facilitate your true purpose."
"And Derek knew this?" I sit back down, unable to take in all of this information on my feet.
"Yes, he did," she replies with a faint smile. "He had a little assistance, granted, but yes, he knew. Have you never wondered why he chose you out of all of the people that might be qualified to be a part of the Legacy? Or why your grandmother had no issues with you going so far away for your studies and your work? They knew you were destined for something special."
"So the whole fragile china thing isn't that far off then?"
"In a way, you're right. The problem was, somewhere along the way, he developed feelings for you that completely altered his better judgment with regard to you and your path. He began to see your path, your innocence to stay on your path, as a part of his personal mission, alongside righting his father's wrongs. There were times he tried to get you away from the Legacy; more importantly, he tried to get you away from the work you were drawn to like a monk to the religious orders. But you resisted, on so many occasions. Did you never wonder why the agents of the Dark Side didn't use Derek as a lure for you?"
"I guess I never thought about it," I reply slowly. "But, if he had feelings for me, and I had feelings for him, why was that relationship immune to the temptations?"
She actually pauses at that for a moment. When she speaks again, her voice is even gentler. "Because Derek knew that the potential relationship you could have with him would keep you from the relationship you have been destined to have."
I blink at her in shocked surprise. "You're talking about Rachel, aren't you?" She doesn't say anything right away, but the look on her face speaks volumes. "You are! So you mean I basically pined away for the wrong person for all those years? And Rachel just happened to fall into the Legacy and my lap, for lack of a better word?"
"Without Rachel, you wouldn't have Rose. Without Rachel, you'd have continued to pine over Derek and marry yourself to your work in the Legacy, just as he did. And eventually, you'd have been seduced over to the Dark Side. And believe me when I say that would have been a heavy blow to the agents of the Light."
I fall silent again, pondering what she's just said. If it's true, it changes so many things I've considered a constant of some sort or another in my life. If it's true, I've been a damned fool for all these years, pining away for a love I'd never have. If it's true… "Then why did Derek tell me had feelings for me? Why kiss me?"
"He was martyring himself for the good of the world, Alex. What reason did he have to hide his own feelings? Derek felt he was finally righting the wrongs he was bound to correct."
"But what if I'd continued to pine over him after he died? What if I hadn't gotten over him and never got together with Rachel and eventually had Rose? If I'm understanding you correctly, Derek was a selfish, self-righteous bastard who very nearly ruined what was meant for me anyway. He just used me and threw me away like so much trash when I was no longer of use to him. He'd already chosen Nick as his successor. So rather than let me deal with that rejection, he adds injury to insult by telling me he had feelings for me and kissing me? Really fucking classy."
She leans over to stroke her hand over my hair. "There's no reason to speak ill of the dead, Alex. He was doing what he thought was right, what he thought would help you in your mourning. And he thought it would help you in exactly the way it has. While you were mourning his death, you lived with Rachel. You rediscovered the feelings you've felt for Rachel and you got together. And eventually, that led to the birth of your daughter."
"And my feelings mean nothing in all of this then? I'm just simply some sort of pawn in your eternal battle between Good and Evil? I am a living, breathing person, damn it! I have my doctorate, I have a family, I have integrity. Am I just supposed to blindly follow this path you talk of?"
"Let him go, Alex," comes her gentle reply. "You've a wife who adores you, a stepdaughter who thinks the world of you, and a small daughter who depends so much on you. The affections and motives of a dead man are no longer your concern. He's guarding the Portal under Angel Island. You are so much more than a mere guardian. You and your family mark a change in the ways of the world. There are things afoot that--"
"Oh, I'm sorry." The voice of the First Lady startles me. She blinks at us from the doorway. "I didn't realize anyone was in here, and I was surprised to hear voices." She stops and looks at my companion, a sort of shocked recognition on her face. "How did you get in here?"
"I have many skills," comes the cryptic reply, accompanied by a smug smirk.
The First Lady walks into the room, closing the door behind her. She studies my companion intently. "I swear I know you from somewhere. You look just like the woman I met when I was in college. But that couldn't be you. You look exactly like she did back then, and that was nearly forty years ago. Unless you've had some exceptional plastic surgery, it couldn't be you."
"You'd be surprised what can and can't be, Abigail. And you should probably hear this, as well." She pauses while the First Lady settles into a chair, turning to face me again. "Alex, there are things afoot that are going to try the spirits and beliefs of the bulk of humanity. There is a small percentage of people who are beginning to understand and recognize the coming changes. Your family is among that percentage. Truth be told, the bulk of the people who have been brought here for this little get together are in that percentage of people. Until the time is right, I'm unable to explain myself any further. But Alex, you need to let go of your hurt and anger over Derek. Accept the gift he gave you in his death, and continue on the path you are meant to tread."
I chew at my lower lip, considering her words. "I--"
"If you're unsure, do it for your daughter, for the bond she shares with Dace's unborn children. You know that bond is there, you know how unique and special it is. Don't stifle her potential with your own fears and expectations."
A knock at the door startles both the First Lady and myself. It ends up being her guard checking on her. And when we look back, it's just the two of us. Somehow my mysterious companion has disappeared from sight, without us seeing her leave.
Curiouser and curiouser…
