 | ShatterStorm Productions
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| ShatterStorm Productions
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Primary Character(s): Anastasia Rogers
Disclaimers: See Index page for full disclaimer info
++ Anastasia ++
Tomorrow is my fifty-fourth birthday. Not a milestone in the popular sense of the word, but certainly a milestone for me. There are gaily wrapped packages and cards awaiting my discretion tomorrow. I'm not exactly sure I want to open them. There is a part of me, not small in the slightest, that would just as soon forget I even have a birthday coming. But that's not an option, given my family. If nothing else, Emily will not let me forget I'm another year older.
Oh, how I sometimes envy the young their exuberance for growing up. They never seem to think that any harm can come to them. And that includes the very real foibles of growing older. They blissfully continue about their merry ways, learning and living life to the fullest. Don't get me wrong, I did the same thing as a child. But at a certain point, you can't live that way any longer. The realities of life and adulthood eventually encroach upon your fun, and you have no other choice but to accept it.
The more I think about it, the more I'm being overly sensitive. I know this, I accept it, but I don't intend to stop it. Not yet, anyway. I tend to believe it's my right after this long. I've lived a full life, and there hasn't been much to complain about. I have a very successful business empire in one of the most insane cities in the world, and I love every single minute of it. I have very good friends, including some that I'd lost touch with for various reasons. I have a wonderful extended family, and I've no qualms with being called a grandmother. In fact, I revel in it, in the fact that there are approximately twenty young people from seventeen to just a few months old who look to me as their kindly Gramma Stasia.
And I have Tessa. She's been my lover, my beloved, for nearly twenty-two years now. I adore her more than anything, and I delight in knowing that she feels the same about me. She is everything I have ever dreamed of having in a lover, a partner, an equal. And despite the subversive nature of our relationship, I truly believe Tessa is my equal in so many things. I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. She has saved my sanity on numerous occasions, and I know there were times I wasn't aware she was doing it. She is my everything. I'd give up all of the money and power I have rather than be without her.
But one day, I don't know when, she'll have to live without me. I know it will cause her a great deal of pain when it happens. I've seen her contemplating that very eventuality on occasion. It's broken my heart to see the fear and loss clouding her lovely blue eyes, and every single time I've seen that look on her face, I've stopped whatever I was doing and pulled her into my arms, coddling and petting her until the fear and uncertainty passed.
It's the reason I'm so glad to have this family I do. There are people who will be more than willing to help Tessa however she needs it once I'm gone. Dace tops that list of people. Over the past nearly two years, I've seen Dace break into the insular relationship Tessa and I have shared all these years. She's brought out a side of my sweet Tessa that I've never seen before. She's become so playful, so open and outgoing when she's around my tall, blonde successor. I've no doubt that Dace and Catherine will gladly welcome Tessa into their family when the time comes. And Tessa and Sara get along so well, too.
"Anastasia?" The sound of my Tessa's voice pulls me from my thoughts. "May I come in?"
I can't help the smile that spreads across my face at her voice. "Of course, you may, Tessa," I reply warmly. "You are always welcome to join me, you know that."
She smiles brightly as she slips into the room. I'm captivated by her beauty all over again as she walks over to kneel in front of me. "I didn't want to disturb you. I know you don't always look forward to your birthday, and Dace tends to overdo things on occasion."
I chuckle. "Yes, she does, doesn't she? And Emily certainly doesn't hinder her." I shift slightly and pat the mattress next to me. "Come up here, my love. There's no need for kneeling before me tonight."
Tessa gracefully eases up to settle next to me, and does her best not to look startled when I wrap my arms around her and lean my head on her shoulder. Without thought, her arms encircle me and she lays her cheek against my temple. "You seem awfully quiet tonight, Anastasia," she says softly. "Perhaps we should have stayed at the townhouse instead of coming out here to the ranch?"
"No," I reply with a shake of my head. "Even if I don't want to celebrate my getting older, my daughters and grandchildren do. And I can't deny them their fun, now can I? Besides, I do so adore seeing the children. Even those three little monkeys Dace spawned."
She giggles girlishly at the nickname I've given Dace's six month old triplets, the sound causes a ripple of desire to glide down my spine. "Better not let her hear you say that, Anastasia. She'll give you that whole lecture on how cats can't give birth to monkeys. And then, she'll sic Blair Sandburg on you to continue the lecture. You'll be doomed to falling into a coma from all the academia."
"That would be horrible!" I reply in mock fear, earning another girlish giggle from my sweet love. Pulling back, I cup her face in both of my hands to stare deeply into her eyes. My thumbs stroke her cheeks, and I'm unable to stop myself from leaning in to reward her with a delicately passionate kiss. "What would I do without you, pet?"
"Well, thankfully you'll never have to figure that out," she replies with a happy hum in her voice. "I've absolutely no plans to ever leave you, Anastasia. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I shudder to think what my life would have been like if Mel hadn't found me and brought me to Silverback's attention. And if it weren't for them, I'd never have met you, or any of the people on the other side of that door."
"We've been very blessed, haven't we, pet?" Once again, I am unable to stop myself from stroking her face, her hair. "Tell me, Tessa, do you have any regrets?"
She blinks at me and turns silent; I can tell she's stunned by my question. I can see her turning my words over and over in her mind, trying to make sense of them. "I'm not sure I understand, Anastasia," she finally replies slowly. "Have I done something to upset you?"
"No! Oh, Tessa, no, you've done nothing wrong. I'm just…" I pause and shake my head, smiling ruefully at her. "It's nothing, pet. I'm just being a foolish old woman tonight. We should go and join our family. Perhaps Emily or the older twins will accidentally spill whatever surprises are in store for me tomorrow."
I stand and start to walk toward the door, but she stops me with a light tug on my hand. She stands and pulls me closer into her arms. She studies my face for a long moment, the fingers of one hand lightly tracing my features and the deepest of my wrinkles. "What's wrong?" Her voice is soft, warm, comforting, a touch worried.
"It's--"
"And please don't tell me it's nothing," she interrupts. "I think I know you well enough to know you wouldn't be asking the question if it truly was nothing."
Again, that rueful smile finds its way onto my face and I meet her gaze again. "I'm just feeling my age, my love. I see all of those young faces out there, the women I consider my daughters, the children I've grown to love as my grandchildren, and I realize just how old I am."
"No!" Tessa replies, a hint of fear in her tone. "You're not old, Anastasia. You're a vibrant, vital woman in her prime. You're not even fifty-five yet. You've got years and years ahead of you. And I'm going to be right there at your side all the way."
I squeeze her tightly, hands gripping the firm muscles of her ass. "I will never ask you to leave my side, Tessa. I've grown far too attached to you over the years. I don't know that I could function without you."
"You've said that already, Anastasia," she replies, a slight teasing tone in her voice. "Or are you trying to tell me that you're getting senile in your old age?"
I release one hand gripping her ass and use it to slap her sharply. I revel in the throaty moan that escapes her lips in reaction, in the way she rubs up against me. "Are you being impertinent with me, pet?" I murmur in a low, even tone. "Do I have to punish you?"
"Oh yes, ma'am," she breathes with a broad smile. "I'm utterly at your mercy."
I chuckle darkly at her response. "You seem rather eager for your punishment, pet. Perhaps I should make you wait for it. Hold off on punishing you properly until we've returned home on Monday. Perhaps that will dampen your over exuberance."
This settles her almost instantly and she nuzzles me gently. "Forgive me, my lady, for my indiscretion. I live to serve you, now and always."
Something in her words triggers my earlier thoughts, and I pull her toward the bed again. Easing my arms around her, I hold my beloved close and stroke down the long lines of her back. "Promise me something, Tessa," I finally say, disgusted at how husky with emotion my voice sounds in my ears, forcing me to clear my throat. "Promise me that if something ever happens, you won't pull away from this family of ours. Promise me that you'll stay with Dace and Catherine, or Karen and Darya. Promise me you won't be alone." She struggles to pull back and look at me, but I tighten my grip. "Promise me, Tessa."
"I promise," she whispers. "But nothing's going to happen for a long, long time, Anastasia. You're going to live long enough to see your great-grandchildren come into this world."
Only when she promises do I let go of my grip on her. She instantly wraps her arms around me and holds me close, burying her face in the crook of my neck. I continue to stroke and comfort her, feeling an odd sense of wellbeing that she's agreed to my request. I know she's right. I know I have many more years ahead of me. But I'm also a realist, and I need to know that my family will be taken care of when I'm no longer around. And my Tessa is foremost in that respect. A part of me regrets the fact that she's never had children. She's so good with all of the babies that have come into our lives.
A knock at the door only partially startles me. "Come in, Dace," I call out, leaning back to run my fingers through Tessa's hair.
She slips into the room with a sheepish grin. "And here I thought I was the Sentinel," she teases, but her shrewd eyes study us carefully. "So… Everything okay in here?"
"I think so," I reply, glancing at Tessa for confirmation. "I'm just feeling like an old woman tonight, and Tessa's been doing her damnedest to remind me I'm not."
"And did it work?" She uses that careful tone, as if she already knows the answer but wants to hear me admit it.
"Well, except for the fact that Tessa here deserves a little punishment for being cheeky," I say with a smirk before turning sober again. "Dace, will you do something for me?" When she nods with slow curiosity, I continue. "I know this probably sounds morbid, but humor an old woman, okay?"
She chuckles, but that curious look still doesn't leave her face. "I'm listening."
I purse my lips and roll my eyes. "I'm sure you have been. Perhaps you need to be bent over my knee, as well."
"Please?" she asks, squirming in her spot.
I snort softly and shake my head. "Incorrigible and insatiable. At least some things never change. But seriously… Should something happen to me, will you promise to take care of Tessa? Make her part of your family?"
A slow grin spreads across her face and she walks over to crouch in front of us. "Tessa's already a part of my family. She has been for years now, just like you. But if it'll make you feel better, I'll promise it. And if you want, we can do some sort of formal promise, with witnesses and shit. Whatever it takes."
I smile gratefully at Dace and cup her face to press a gentle kiss to the middle of her forehead. "You may be an irreverent, cheeky pain in the ass sometimes, but you're also quite generous and honest. Thank you, Dace, for indulging an old woman's wishes."
"Indulge nothing," she replies. "I'm serious that you're both family. I'd do anything for you guys, just like I would for everybody else I consider my family. I don't think you'll be going anywhere anytime soon, but I know this is something that you've worried about. Consider it taken care of, all right?"
"I suppose everyone's wondering where I am?" I ask, feeling more than a bit sheepish.
"Actually, I told them you weren't feeling so hot and sent them off to their various bungalows. Besides, the kids were getting kind of antsy, so I promised them a really bad ass game of Hide and Seek in the morning. My luck, they'll be up before the ass crack of dawn."
I chuckle, knowing she's probably right about the children. "And yet you encourage them every step of the way, don't you, Dace?"
She grins and shrugs nonchalantly. "It's a gift," she says. And suddenly her demeanor changes, as a look of coy flirtatiousness crosses her face. "So you mentioned something about bending me over your knee and spanking me for ears-dropping?"
I laugh out loud at that, delighted by the twists and turns of her psyche. I doubt I'll ever fully understand how she can be so damned good at reading people's moods, but I'm grateful for it all the same. As I grab for Dace to pull her into a headlock, I feel the weight of my earlier introspection beginning to lift from my shoulders. Dace is right. I have an incredible family, and no matter what may ever happen to me, they will make sure that my darling Tessa is well cared for.
I can think of no better birthday wish to have come true than what I'm living right now, and knowing that my beloved will be surrounded by love and affection, even long after I leave this world.
