Primary Character(s): Alexis "Alex the Mad" Barnes
Special Notes: This card has undergone a lot of changes since the original, and will be going through more as soon as Shatterpath and I can sit down and work out what we've been discussing for the changes. Unfortunately that means this card is by no means completed at this time, and may well end up quite a bit different from what you see here when it's finalized.
Disclaimers: See Index page for full disclaimer info
Attached Note from Monica Reyes: Attached are photographs of several drawings and Playdoh sculptures created by Alexis Barnes while in the company of the young Sentinel and Guide children on their visits. These have been completed over the course of the seven months she has been living on the complex, under the supervision of Agents Monica Reyes and Dana Scully, MD. When the children are present, the visitations are further supervised in person by Candace Bogart as a way of ensuring Alexis doesn't become too protective or dominant over the children.
There is also a transcript of the story Alexis has been relating over the course of her stay here, with the full knowledge of both of her controlling agents, and are used here as the only reliable testimony of her mental and emotional states. Because her states of lucidity are not reliable, we have had to allow for Alexis to tell this story when she is, in fact, able to do so. Unfortunately, that means this has been an ongoing process for the past seven months, and it appears she is not yet finished. We have discovered that she is particularly lucid after a visit from the children, as they have been the least uncomfortable with her differences. In fact, it is theorized that she is able to communicate best with them, simply because it allows her to react on a far less stressful level.
While Dr. Kimberly Legaspi has proven to have an excellent rapport with Alexis, as does Dr. Darya Farazell on her rare visits, Dr. Rachel Corrigan unfortunately tends to be a bit too stressful for Alexis. We have noticed that Drs. Farazell and Legaspi do not have the personal issues with Dace's dominance tactics where Alexis is concerned, which is far more beneficial to Alexis' progress. Dr. Legaspi has even displayed some of the same dominance tactics when Alexis becomes agitated with her inability to express herself properly. The trust between Dr. Legaspi and Alexis has become such that Dace no longer sits in on those sessions unless specifically requested by either woman.
On the recommendation of Dr. Legaspi, we have worked on the basis that Alexis Barnes has the equivalent of a severe case of autism. Everything she is, everything she knows is locked within her mind, and only under specific circumstances does she have the opportunity to access that information and share it with us. Given she has only been working with Dr. Legaspi for approximately four months; she has made great leaps of progress. However, if her routine is altered too much, it causes a great deal of anxiety, which then brings about a backlash in her progress.
I've highlighted the most telling sections of Alexis' story that we have used to try to determine further courses of action with regard to the Sentinels, particularly those who have no Guides to help anchor them in both their enhanced abilities and their everyday lives. It should also be noted that for each of these lucid pieces of her life, there have been days, even weeks of catatonia in the aftermath. It's as if she has to store up the energy to get this information out, then must go into a form of mental and emotional hibernation.
- There are so few days that I feel anything even remotely close to sane anymore, I've almost forgotten what it's like. It wasn't like this before. Before Sierra Verde. Before Blair Sandburg. Before Jim Ellison. Before that damned temple. Seeing God, even the attempt to see God, nearly killed me.
- I've never felt one hundred percent whole, not even as a child. I always knew there was a piece that was missing. I never understood what it was until I saw Blair Sandburg. He had something about him that called to me, made me feel a bit more normal and whole. Not just the information about the Sentinels, which made me understand those strange things about myself and my abilities. But he was with someone else, someone I had this overwhelming urge to interact with. It was terrifying, to be completely honest. I wasn't in control of myself around Jim Ellison. My heightened senses were exponentially stronger around him, like we were feeding off of each other. And the visions? It was such a daunting thing to have to live with, such a liability to my chosen line of work. And so I had to kill Blair, I couldn't leave any loose ends behind to jeopardize things.
- I killed Blair Sandburg. Yes, I know he's still alive, but that's not the point. I killed him. I know he was dead when I left him there. Sentinel hearing and all. We're supposed to protect and take care of people. And what did I do? I killed in cold blood the one man who could actually help make sense of what the hell I was. What kind of sick thing does that make me? I was a thief, a cat burglar of a relatively high degree. I broke into places; stole things: jewelry, technology, money, secrets; and I got paid for getting it out and to my clients without being caught. It was a very lucrative choice of employment. There were warrants out for my arrest. I'd even spent three years in solitary confinement in California. That's where my Sentinel abilities kicked in. I couldn't even paint or sculpt in prison. But I made up for it with a vengeance afterward. It was my release from reality, from being a thief.
- I've always been an artist. Ever since I was a child, I was drawing, coloring, sculpting things out of clay and mud. It wasn't just a hobby. It was something I needed to do. And I wasn't allowed that creative outlet when I was in the psych ward near Quantico. I think it drove me insane. I was locked inside myself, unable to get out, to make contact with anyone. And I didn't have any way to even ask for that opportunity, even if they'd have let me. Sometimes I'm surprised I'm allowed that opportunity here.
- There are days I wish I was dead. I can't cope with this. Why did Jim let them save me? Why did Dace and Monica even allow me to come here? What good am I to them? What good am I to anyone? I see these children, these little tiny Sentinels and their Guides, and I feel so damned incomplete. I feel a slight sense of completion when Dace brings the children to visit, especially little Fawn. And her brother Cubby seems to know exactly how to talk to me to help get me out of this damned prison in my mind. But he's not one of us, not a Sentinel, not a Guide. But he understands. And so does Dace. She understands what I need, what I don't need. I don't know what I would do if she hadn't rescued me. Even knowing that, there are days I wish I was dead.
- I miss the sensation of the jaguar. I miss the thrill of being a thief. I miss life. Why can't I have a damned life? Is this isolation some sort of atonement for my sins? Is there no compassion in the cosmos to allow me just one reprieve? Is that really so much to ask for?
From this, I have also included several notes from Dr. Legaspi's official documentation.
The drastic changes between lucidity and its lack, are demonstrated most clearly in other reports as well as the visual and audio records made. What this report concerns is a series of more personal observations by myself.Alexis is a woman internally tortured. The sense if isolation is akin to nothing I have experienced or researched. There is a context to it that is 'supernatural' to coin a phrase inappropriate to my profession. Truthfully, I have no other way to describe her. Monica's layman description of an autistic is the most solid platform that we have to launch from, but there is so much more to Alexis.
First, there are the very obvious physical reactions to outside stimuli. Unlike Dace and the other Sentinels, Alexis has little control over the intensity of the enhanced senses of her rare genetics. This has manifested in some extraordinary events. Things like an electrical short in the power grid of a building above ground and over a hundred meters away that sent her into a frenzy. In fact, Alexis was upset enough to brave going above ground to show us what was so upsetting.
Watching documentation of animal behaviorists with the more sophisticated of the animal kingdom has been extremely beneficial to myself and the others that deal with Alexis on a professional basis. Most helpful are the great apes and the wolves. By combining the solitary nature of the Sentinel 'animal spirits' and the inherent social needs of being human, the apes and wolves mirror Alexis and the other Sentinels most clearly.
Once I became accustomed to the eccentricities of Alexis Barnes, I find her to be a charming companion, if not still somewhat unpredictable. Once a visitor understands the rules of interacting with Alexis both alone and with Dace as intermediary, it's a fascinating event. I am blessed with being only one of three people that Alexis will be alone with calmly, and I hold that regard with respect and affection.
[Author's Note :: Part of the changes occuring in this card will be the inclusion of Zo Goldston to Alexis' treatment and therapy regimen. The dynamics of how we're working with Alexis' treatment have changed on many levels, including who she'll create bonds with, and under what circumstances her issues will appear or disappear.]